Like many men and women, a lot of my clients used to assume dating would come easy. Dating in New York, especially, they thought, would be a ‘walk in the park’. After all, a lot of my readers have big friendship groups, great-paying jobs – and are attractive people.
However, those actively dating – or looking for NYC matchmaking services – often find themselves running into problems. Problems that, when left unaddressed, can harper people’s ability to find real, deep, loving long-term relationships.
If you find your dating life is a constant rollercoaster of emotion – and you find yourself struggling to meet the right person, have become used to being “ghosted”, and feel like you’re making the same mistakes over and over again, then I urge you to analyze the patterns in your dating life.
I say this, because much of the time these mistakes and negative patterns are easily rectified. Today, I’d like to share 4 bad dating habits that – if you want to find a meaningful and loving long-term relationship – you must cut out of your life right now.
Not Knowing What You Want
It may sound cliche, but knowing what you actually want from a potential partner is the single-most important factor in determining whether someone is a suitable match for you. I firmly believe in the saying “you are what you believe” – and this means that everything begins with you.
There are numerous matchmaking agencies in New York – and almost all forget that in order to find – and form – a meaningful relationship, it starts from within. This means that you need to be responsible for your own happiness…
And if you want to find a loving partner who is emotionally available, is empathetic, generous and constantly affectionate, then you too must possess these same traits. When you begin to love and care for yourself, you’ll begin to find yourself feeling more loved, more cared for and more appreciated. How you view and treat yourself sets the bar for how others treat you – so you should write down what traits you want from a romantic partner – and do your best to give off the same traits.
Refusing To Be Selfish
I know this will come across as blunt, to the point – and to some, perhaps even rude. But yes, sometimes in many people’s dating lives, they want something to work out so much – or they put so much into something (or someone) – they start neglecting themselves.
Many of my NYC dating clients have, in the past, allowed themselves to be treated poorly. They’ve stuck around in a situation that’s clearly not beneficial to them; putting up with toxic (or even abusive) behavior, dealt with a one-sided relationship… some have even experienced infidelity.
The thing is – sometimes, in life, we need to be selfish. Being a good person isn’t about tolerating poor behavior. That means – for a lot of my NYC matchmaking clients – they need to say “NO” more. They need to start putting themselves first. They need to set healthy boundaries. Have a clear picture of what’s acceptable to them in a relationship – and what’s not.
And, above all else, they need to be selfish.
Not to hurt others, but to ensure their own career, their own happiness and wellbeing – and their own life – is moving in a direction they want. When you fail to be selfish, you only end up wasting your time – your life – and increasing the amount of time it’s going to take to find that loving, caring partner you deserve.
Taking Things Too Fast
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting up – and going – on lots of dates, but if you find yourself meeting someone… and spending most of your time with that person just weeks later (or even moving in together or discussing marriage and kids) – there’s a good chance you’re taking things too fast in your romantic relationships.
I’ve seen it time and time again, and I’ll be very clear: moving too fast when you don’t truly know someone is a recipe for disaster.
The entire point of the ‘getting to know someone’ phase of dating is that you do… well, just that. When things begin to get serious, you usually end up doing much less of the getting to know each other. This can lead to you both overlook things. Things that – were they out in the open at the beginning – would have allowed you to really determine if the relationship had legs or not.
Don’t rush into things. Take your time. Remind yourself that it’s OK to be single. And, that you will find the right person – but not if you’re moving too quickly with everyone you start speaking too, discounting potential dream patterns from even having a chance with you!
Not Being Open
This one requires you to look slightly deeper within yourself – but it’s critical to finding the right partner – and it can significantly improve your chances of finding someone where there’s enough compatibility and chemistry to form a long-lasting relationship that works both ways.
Almost everyone, when dating, looks for – and chooses – a partner based on the attraction metrics they’re used to looking for. Unfortunately, many of these metrics are often (subconsciously) negative, resulting in you looking for the wrong characteristics in new romantic partners.
To combat this, you need to start adding new filters. Remember, earlier, how I advised you to pinpoint exactly what you actually want from a partner? Being fully open with yourself builds upon this.
Instead of letting your subconscious choose who you’re romantically attracted to, start consciously getting to know people who share the same characteristics, traits and qualities you want from a partner.
Learn more about Agape Match and how we can help improve your dating experience here.