DEAR MARIA: I recently broke off a long term relationship. Part of me feels like I lost a best friend, and I constantly find myself thinking if I made a mistake or what he’s up to. I know that the issues we had cannot be resolved. I’m trying to move forward, and I need to begin flirting and dating. What’s the best way to meet a great guy after a recent breakup? — LOST IN NYC DATING SCENE
DEAR LOST IN NYC DATING SCENE: I would not advise on you aiming for a “great guy” after a big break up. Regardless of the reasons that you broke up, be it because of distance, different values, or unfaithfulness, the next three to six months should be focused on growing and learning from your past relationship and its mistakes. Meeting someone absolutely wonderful bat this very moment poses two problems: 1) Cloudy Judgment: Is this person truly wonderful or are they anti-thesis of your last relationship? 2) Cloudy attitude: Even if this person is truly wonderful, you could really sabotage your chances of having a long lasting, fun, and healthy relationship because your attitude may not be in the right place. The best advice I can give you is not to focus on meeting “a great guy” but to just date! Flirt, laugh, and make mistakes! This is a glorious period for you to just breath and reflect. Being alone can do absolute wonders on putting your happiness and worth in perspective so that you are truly mentally and emotionally ready for the next great relationship. Right now: Just switch the dial on OKCupid to “short term relationship”, get on Hinge, go to awesome singles events, or enroll in a date coaching service to get you out and about and flirting!
