Imagine your best friend, who’s dated lots of guys only to be disappointed time and again, who’s struggled finding a boyfriend, finally tells you: “I met the perfect guy!” She describes what he’s like, what makes him so amazing, but you wonder how great Mr. Right actually is. When she finally introduces him to you, you can’t help feeling like there’s something wrong with him. After a while it becomes obvious to everyone except her that he’s not necessarily her best choice. Everyone sees it but nobody can make her believe that her perfect man is just another guy that she should send packing, before it’s too late.
Does that story sound familiar? It probably does. Dating isn’t the easiest thing. With the number of online opportunities available for meeting new people, it’s easy to get tired of dating. Often, when we finally get to the point where we think it might be something more serious, we try to convince others and ourselves that we’ve finally found the right guy. When emotions are involved or when we simply like the idea of being in a relationship with someone, and it can blur our vision as to what type of a person we’re actually dating.
Some women have a gift for subconsciously eliminating good guys from their environment and choosing guys who, to put it nicely, aren’t the best choices for them. None of us like being hurt. We want whomever we’re with to be good for us! However, there are a bunch of great guys out there, and we should learn to spot the bad apples from the very beginning.
Signs your guy is a bad apple (so break up quick!):
1. You change significantly in his presence.
Does he often criticize your friends, the way you dress or behave? Does he sometimes make small negative comments regarding your behavior, which you can’t stop thinking about? Does he sometimes condescendingly explain that he makes these negative comments for your own sake?
Don’t make excuses for him. Any guy who will not fully accept the way you are is simply not the right guy for you. Any guy who’s with you should like you for who you are without expecting you to become someone else. It doesn’t make sense to change to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be.
2. You have completely different lifestyles.
If you’re a career orientated woman who expects a high standard of living, with a luxurious apartment and evening meals taken in chic restaurants, you probably won’t get along well long-term with someone who doesn’t think money is important. If you want to have children and lead a calm life with a stable job but he’s an adventurous type who loves to travel for half a year to the end of the world and surf, it figures that it probably isn’t going to work out.
Don’t lie to yourself and think that attraction is the only thing that matters. It certainly does at first but after a while you’ll need to have similar expectations and goals in life to make it last long term. As a couple, you’re a team. But it’s hard to be a team when you have different goals and different reasons for playing the game.
3. He’s a big player.
If a guy approaches you so confidently, like he’s done it a million times before… it probably means he has! We often fall for guys who are quite nearly masters of seduction. We fall for their charm and confidence. Their subtle compliments dropped into conversation at exactly the right moments, their perfect gentlemanly manners… We all know these guys!
Dating a player is possible, but it’s not for everyone. Even the biggest player can change if they fall in love, but are you sure that you’ll be able to light his fire and be enough for him to quit playing games? Will you be able to trust him? Do you think that he’s meant to be with someone forever? Does he think he’s meant to be with someone forever? Monogamy takes two.
4. He always wants to be the center of your life.
It’s a red flag when your new partner seems begins to smother every facet of your life. If he seems like he’s trying to control you or throws jealous fits when you’re unable to be with him or associating with different people or interests, run away quickly!
If you feel as if your entire world is being forced to revolve around him, and he doesn’t appreciate your opinions because they don’t match his, he probably isn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone. If the guy you’re with freaks out when he doesn’t get what he wants, he obviously isn’t mature enough to build anything stable.
5. All of your friends hate him.
None of us should live for other people. We should go for whatever makes us happy, no matter what anyone else thinks. However, if people who’ve supported you your entire life don’t accept this new guy, it should be a huge red flag. Try putting some distance between yourself and your new guy so you can talk honestly with you friends and loved ones about why they dislike your new partner. Only then can you say that you’ve made a sound decision.
6. He is unavailable.
It’s normal for people to have some relationship past, exes, girlfriends and wives, children etc. We all come with baggage. Women commonly place their feelings in a person who’s emotionally involved with someone else or simply just unavailable.
However, if he’s not actively making you feel like your number one, you may need to re-evaluate his priorities and your priorities in the relationship. Every lady deserves a man who will treat her like number one.