Understanding the Emotions You Crave: My Thoughts on Core Desires, Intimacy, and a Special Book Update!
What if I told you that true intimacy might start with understanding the emotions you crave? I’ve been reflecting on this idea ever since this week’s episode of the Ask a Matchmaker podcast dropped. My co-host, the hilarious Jenny Zigrino, and I had an amazing conversation with somatic sex coach, Leandra, and I couldn’t wait to share my thoughts with you all. Watch the episode here.
Leandra is a phenomenal coach who works with individuals, couples, and even polycules to help them experience deeper connections, erotic empowerment, and closeness that most of us only dream about. In this episode, she introduced us to the concept of “core desires,” and it was eye-opening. The basic premise is simple but powerful: uncovering the emotions you truly want to feel during intimacy can transform your relationships in ways you never thought possible.
When Leandra first mentioned “core desires,” I was intrigued. What are core desires, exactly? They’re not just about what turns you on physically but also about the emotions that drive your need for intimacy. Maybe it’s the desire to feel secure, adventurous, powerful, or cherished. Once you identify those core emotions, you can communicate them more clearly to your partner (or partners!), and that understanding can revolutionize how you connect. I mean, how many of us have spent years chasing intimacy without truly understanding what we’re actually craving? It’s mind-blowing to think that it all starts with something so simple and yet so profound.
Leandra’s approach to intimacy is all about getting out of your head and back into your body. She talks about this in relation to the four categories of the hottest sexual movies—which I won’t spoil for you because it’s such an interesting breakdown! But the idea is that, oftentimes, we’re too caught up in our thoughts or insecurities during intimate moments, and it prevents us from fully being present with ourselves and our partners. We lose touch with what we feel and, as a result, we miss out on truly fulfilling experiences. Her advice? Start with figuring out what emotions you want to feel and then work towards those. It’s a different way of thinking about intimacy and relationships that I found really refreshing.
So, if you’re like me and constantly curious about how to create deeper, more meaningful connections with your partner (or just with yourself), this episode is a must-watch. Trust me, you’ll want to hear what Leandra has to say about core desires, how to uncover them, and how understanding them can transform your intimate life. You can check out the full episode on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.
Now, on to some exciting news! Drumroll, please…
📕 BOOK UPDATE: OMG! 📕
Ask a Matchmaker is now officially available for pre-order!—and the response has been incredible! The book debuted at #1 in Dating and Relationships, hit #16 in Self-Help, and even landed at #98 in overall books. I’m absolutely floored and beyond grateful for all the support so far!
For those who haven’t had a chance to check it out yet, I’d love for you to consider pre-ordering. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, this book is packed with insights to help you reset your dating mindset, understand compatibility, and build healthier communication habits. I also share my personal matchmaking heritage (yes, it runs in the family!), real-life stories, and practical advice for finding lasting love.
Pre-order your copy now!
